Ups and Downs

I read a blog post this week from a PCV in Ethiopia that’s being passed around the Volunteers circuit and so many parts of it really resonated with me. For example the author says he thinks he hasn’t a picture that’s completely accurate. I too am guilty of wearing and sharing my rose-colored glasses since I am an optimist after all. But there are many challenges, difficulties, and struggles here. As I’ve written before, often times I feel like I’m on a roller coaster. In cross-cultural living the ups are higher than the norm and the lows are, well, quite low. The last time I blog I had just finished a great week of teaching and living. It’s only natural that it should be followed by a ‘bad’ week. First off I didn’t sleep well which then caused my throat to start hurting last Monday. Even though I made the best of Valentine’s Day I felt pretty crappy and thus homesick too. Although I write a lot about the food I miss from home really it’s the people I miss most. Before I begin my story I want to apologize for not being able to tell or email this to people individually. Maybe I rely on my blog too much to tell about my life here but it does make it easier to give mass updates. Also just keep in mind as you are reading that I am safe and secure and the situation seems to be resolved now.

By Wednesday I had a full out cold which kept bothering me all week and didn’t help me cope with the rising temperatures (the highest I’ve seen on my thermometer so far is 97). A new contact came to the school last week to introduce himself that he’s come to the community to work on sanitation issues. Both the headmaster and I (since I’m the health madam) gave him our phone numbers (first mistake). I was hopeful and excited about the prospect of a new partner especially on sanitation. I have good working relationships with some (I’m not close with all) teachers at my school to work education issues and the nurses at the clinic to work on health issues. In retrospect I was a little too eager to think the best of this new community member which made me vulnerable. Everyone knows where the white lady lives of course since I’m the only one so he dropped by my house after dark. My normal rule is not to let people in unless it’s someone I trust but a couple of students were in my house at the time so I let him in (second mistake). That night I smelled alcohol on his breath and became increasingly uncomfortable with him especially when he asked for a picture of me. It’s happened before but not by someone I’m in contact with in a professional capacity. My response: Tomorrow (you keep saying this until the person stops asking). (Third mistake) With my big mouth I told him about the HIV/AIDS peer educators program we were going to do at the school tomorrow. So he came by the school for the program again smelling of alcohol.

Side note- Despite his interference the program went pretty well and there was a teaching moment with the 10 students that made the whole thing worthwhile. We were talking about STIs and I asked the question ‘If you find out you have an STI, should you let your partner(s) know?’ The gut reaction of my students was to rpely ‘No!’ to which I prompted them to tell me more by asking ‘Why not?’ Of course the reasons were mostly self-preserving because they would be the subject of gossip and other things. Then I posed the question ‘If your partner has an STI, would you want to know?’ Of course they said ‘Yes!’… ah ha and right there I could see a shift in thinking happen. It was a rewarding moment.

Back to my story, the next day he introduced me to his ‘woman’ as he referred to her which at first made me feel a bit better especially since I’d made it abundantly clear that I have a boyfriend. But then later as we were walking around the village he tried to hold my hand and hug me but I was able to deflect the attention. This has happened to me before with other drunkards around my village but this guy really started to creep me out. At this point people gave me advice to not let him in my house again, be cold to him, and work with him as little as possible. I didn’t sleep well at all that night- it was the first time in a long time I haven’t felt safe here. When I first came to the village I didn’t feel safe at night just because I didn’t know the place yet. The next day he called 9 (yes you read that correctly) times and I made it clear I didn’t want to talk to him. I discussed the issue with the headmaster and he let me know I didn’t have to work with on health issues outside of sanitation and that if the unwanted attention continued he would have a talk with him. So basically the only contact I must have with him is if he comes to the school to do a sanitation inspection. Since then he came by my house one morning this week to greet me but I was still getting ready and told him as much without opening my door and curtly said goodbye. Hopefully there won't be much else to report on the situation. I’ve (re) learned that I’m too trusting and need to be careful and that I should listen to my intuition. I was so worried about trying to have someone to tackle sanitation issues with that I let my guard down. I shed lots of tears in the process and it was the first time I really, really wanted to just quit and go home.

It’s too easy for me to get completely overwhelmed by all the problems I see here- lack of sanitation and so much more at the school, teenage pregnancy, malnutrition in children, trash everywhere, open defecation, lack of access to clean water, rampant alcoholism, bush burning, etc.- to the point where I get really discourage and feel paralyzed by how little I am doing to help. But I’m learning to give myself a break and realize that whatever I am doing here does matter and if nothing else helps lay the foundation for the next Volunteer who comes to my site. And you know either way it’s challenging- it’s hard being the first Volunteer at a place but I have friends who are struggling because they’re constantly being compared to the previous Volunteer.

Sunday was a better day. I went to Sandema for market (for the first time in two weeks- I got so sick of eating rice) and got to spend time with my language trainer PP. I’d seen him at the Feok festival in December but it was in a big group of people so this time we got a chance to talk more. I told him all about some of the problems I am facing in my village and even teared up (though I played it off as though my rice was too spicy) over breakfast. Displays of emotion aren’t common here plus I really hate crying in public so I saved us both from feeling awkward. He’s also having a hard time at his new job he started in September and has realized he has to let go of all the plans and great ideas when he started to slow down and make little changes. I went to the Catholic church with him and two of his kids then ate lunch at the nicest restaurant in Sandema with one of his friend. It was much needed break from my village.

Monday was also a good day- my lessons went well, it was overcast (and even drizzled in the night which I just learned rain was possible during ‘dry’ season), borrowed and rode a bike to my student’s family’s house (see photo), and my chicken finally laid its first egg. This week the form 3 students are writing their mock BECE (Basic Education Certificate Exam- which determines if they get to further their education in high school) while taking up 2 of our 3 classrooms. It’s also sports week so no teaching is going on at our school or the primary. Though I would rather be teaching, at school I’ve been helping invigilate (procotor) the exams which means I’ve been reading- a lot. Let me end by saying that I've started preliminary research on grants working on a latrine at the school and a borehole at a local primary school and feel good having some direction on these potential projects.